after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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