i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
