ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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