so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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