I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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