Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
