He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
