im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
