I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
