I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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