To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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