I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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