dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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