You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
