how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I supernannyed him into submission
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
