And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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