I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
