My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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