I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
