It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This house was built for laser tag.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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