we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
