I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
