So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
