Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
