I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
