Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
