By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
