omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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