Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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