I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
