If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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