He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
