I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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