Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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