I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
