Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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