He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Non-Jews are for practice
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
