my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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