I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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