How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
