apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
