This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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