Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
