Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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