Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
