i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
