When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
