Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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