I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
