We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
